I think most people would stick me in the “usually happy, can sometimes be bitchy, but totally not depressed” category. Hell, thats where I would stick myself. But honestly, its not where I belong. The “sometimes bitchy” part is spot on. I try my best not to be a bitch, but I don’t feel like fighting it all the time. And lately, I’ve been fighting a lot of things, especially depression. Oh no, I said the D word. I’m not your typical textbook case of depressed. I eat, sleep, and I continue to do activities I enjoy. Mainly because, my knowledge of mental health has led me to believe that if I keep on with my life, keep trying to do all the things that made me happy, use my coping skills, then I won’t be so sad all the time. Truthfully, its been years since I could say “I’m happy”. If someone were to ask me today if I was happy. I would lie. I would say I was definitely happy. Because, really, who wants to be around someone they don’t think is happy. I certainly wouldn’t want to be around myself if I knew in the back of my head I was thinking about how sad I can be. And I really don’t need the sympathy from anyone, because how would that help me? I do not need someone asking me how I am all the time. Eventually, they would get tired of getting the same honest answer of how down I feel. I don’t need someone babying me, doing things for me, treating me like fine china. When someone treats me well, I want it to be because they care about me, they want me to be happy, or thats just what kind of a person they are. Not because they know I’m depressed and they’re afraid their actions will damage me. I’m damaged already and I can worry about myself. I don’t need someone else to feel like they have to also. It took me a long time to get to where I am today. Where I can say, yep, I’m depressed. Am I the depressed that thinks about suicide? Not even close. So get those thoughts out of your head. I’m the depressed that needs extra to get to a comfortable place. I work twice as hard as everyone else to be comfortable. I say comfortable, because I don’t think I’ve gotten to that happy place in far too long. But I’m really working on it. I’m working on getting everything right in my life, to where I feel happy again. Its been such a journey. Literally, every time I take a step forward I get pushed back 2 steps. But I continue to move forward because I truly believe that this is not as good as it gets. Anyone who knows me, knows that I cry. I cry about everything. But for me, thats my way of working through it all. Sometimes I feel like if I cry hard enough or long enough, I will wash away the bad feelings. I’ll wash away whatever has chosen to bring me down in that moment. Lately, its been the moments that have been sad, not the days, or the weeks. There was a time when the feeling of hopeless lasted for weeks. Then it was days. Now I feel like I can celebrate this time. The time where I realize I’m in that moment. That moment of depression. I realize it, then I don’t allow it to take me further. Maybe I need the cry to bring me out. Sometimes its a text that does it. Or the smile of a friend, or even a stranger. I’m going to continue to fight, because thats what I feel like I deserve. I deserve to be in a place, where those depressed moments are so few that I can’t remember when the last one occurred.
It’s not unusual to be in an undefined relationship these days. People really don’t think much of it. It’s becoming normal for you to be “talking”, “hanging out”, or “hooking up” without having to label exactly what you are. I’m not sure why this is becoming such a popular approach to relationships, but for some “couples” it works. I never thought I would find myself in this situation, but for the past 7.5 months I have been involved in a label-less, grey area relationship. Our relationship is not cut-and-dry, black and white, or anywhere near normal. What started out as having fun and hooking up turned into feelings and emotions. To be honest, I think one of the reasons we stayed in the grey was to avoid the feeling and emotions, but we’re too far past it now, although I can’t speak for the other half.
So when you find yourself in one of these situations, how do you define cheating? You’re not really dating, so you can do what you want, right? For me, that’s all wrong. In the beginning, I had less of a concern about my actions, though I never did anything I would consider to be cheating. But that’s speaking personally. I know there are people who can be hooking up with multiple people at one time. So for whatever reason you decided to stay undefined, cheating for you and the other person should be defined. This doesn’t involve sharing every detail of your day, but in any relationship, there should be a sense of trust. Defining what you, as a “couple” believe to be cheating, or crossing a boundary, builds trust. It allows the other person to know that you respect and care for them enough, despite the lack of label, that you won’t try to hurt them. I often thought about what, in my situation, should be considered cheating. Do I want to see someone I care about flirting with someone else? No. Do I get a little ping in my stomach when I hear he finds another girl to be attractive? Yep. But I don’t necessarily consider that cheating. It’s just more uncomfortable than anything else. Cheating, to me, is anything I would not want my partner to do. I would be heartbroken to find out that he hooked up with someone else, kissed another girl, touched them in a way I feel like he should only touch me. So I won’t do those things. When I’m deciding if I should do something or not, I always have him in mind. Could my actions upset him, hurt him, make him mad? Then I don’t do them. Would I want him to read a text from a guy? If I’m hiding something, then it’s cheating to me. Some might feel like that borders on the line of a relationship. But really, he is one of my best friends. I care about him, and I would never intentionally do anything to hurt him. So to me, it’s just respect for a person you care about.
At the end of the day, or more like the beginning of a relationship, no matter what label is or isn’t there, you have to sit down and say “what’s our version of cheating?” It will be different for everyone, but it’s important to know what boundaries you have so you’re not hurting someone you care about.
Tinder, a “dating” app, is designed to provide users with a location-based method of finding their Mr. or Mrs. Right. Well, wrong. Although some will download the app for this purpose, the real reasons why people use this app are not to find love. More like find their next sexual conquest, or just flip through the opposite sex users in their area. The app allows users to swipe right if they like what they see, and swipe left if they don’t. Initially I got the app to see what all the hype was about, but now I find myself browsing just to pass some time. I’m not looking to find a guy, so it just gives me the opportunity to have a few laughs at some poor guys’ expense. Why would I laugh? Because the men of Tinder are absolutely ridiculous. I can’t say what men think of us Tinder-using women, but I could give the men a few tips/tricks on what to do and what not to do. Every woman is different, so I’m not speaking for all the ladies, but some of these are universal rules.
Everyone takes selfies. If you say you don’t, you’re lying. However, I find it only acceptable for females to use them on social media. If you MUST use a selfie fellas, limit it to 1. I do not need to see 6 pictures of you at the gym flexing your abs. I’m sure you worked very hard for those abs, but now you just look desperate to show them off.
If I look at your name and can’t pronounce it, then I have to swipe left. If I was really looking to date someone on Tinder, why would I want to struggle to say your name? I never thought I had a type but I think it might be white guys with common names (or Hispanic ones, named Will).
You could be a model, but if you have on a pair of cargo pants/shorts, then sorry but I’m not sorry to swipe left. I mean, what do you need with all of those pockets? Cargo shorts can take a 10 down to a 0 really fast.
How many of you Tinder boys really fish? If I had a dollar for every man on Tinder that was holding his catch of the day, then I would be one really rich lady. I mean, can we get a little more unique with our picture choice? This coming from a girl who has about 5 selfies in the same pose. Don’t judge me. But seriously, if you fish, that’s awesome. If not, don’t pretend to be some great outdoorsman. And while we’re on the subject, how many of you find yourself next to a wild animal (lion, tiger, bear), and think “This picture is going to impress all the ladies on Tinder”. I can’t count the number of those pictures I see too. But you definitely get points for the pictures of your pups. Pups are my weakness.
Ugly friends make me swipe left. If I were trying to find a Tinder fella, why would I want one with ugly friends? I can’t set up my beautiful friends (although most of them are married now) with your ugly friends.
So I get that she is your sister, best friend, cousin, etc, but why are you putting up a picture of you and some hot girl? Don’t make me have to read your profile to find out she isn’t your current/ex girlfriend. By then, I’ve already swiped left.
On a similar topic, the baby in your arms is making my ovaries hurt. Sure, it could give some women the impression that you’re going to make a great dad, or whatever. Its scaring the shit out of me. I’m playing on Tinder, which means I’m far from ready to be your baby mama. Stop it with the kids.
No offense to your state or anything. Well, actually please take a lot of offense. If you’re a yankee, you need to be one hot yankee to get a swipe right. I’m immediately turned off by anyone born and raised above the Mason-Dixon line.
If you don’t like sports, are you really even a man? I mean, you need to like at least 1 sport. You can be the creative type thats into photography, art, etc, but men should also like sports. I’m pretty sure this goes against all that gender role equality bullshit, but thats why its my opinion. Extra points for being a fan of Washington sports. (side note: If you’ve never been to Texas, why are you a Cowboys fan?).
When you message a female, please don’t be crude. I get it, we’re on Tinder. But really, do you think lines like “Are you dating, mating, or masturbating? “ are going to work? They don’t. Also, I don’t message anyone back, mostly because I’m not looking to find anyone, but if a girl doesn’t message you back, then stop after the first message and call it a loss. The guys that message me like 6 times before they stop make me wonder why they are so desperate or worry if they could find me and chop me into little pieces. I actually had a guy say “Is it too soon for me to say I love you?” Umm yes. Duh. You’re scary. But the guys that message with compliments about me being beautiful or gorgeous ALMOST make me want to message back.
I could go on all day about all the things guys do wrong on Tinder. But really, I love the app. Its so honest. You get to base your impressions of someone solely on their looks and what they write in a tiny profile. If you’re looking for love, try match.com or eharmony, but if you want to spend your down time swiping left or right, based on how superficial you’re feeling, then head to Tinder.